Relationships in the Media: What’s really going on
March 29th, 2010 by info
Okay, I admit it. I fell into the murky land of hollywood gossip where the grass isn’t any greener, and the relationships are just as complicated as wee mere mortals. So, the latest heartache that portrays the female as victim and the male as bully treating the relationship as simple black and white, good and evil, betrayer and betrayed. Why all the media buzz over “cheating” recently? Whether it’s a politician, athlete, entertainer, or whomever, the invasion of one’s intimate life gets plastered on the internet and television for public viewing and evaluation.
In my short lived viewing I witnessed a correspondent just shake her head sadly with “that poor woman” look for the latest damsel betrayed by her husband. I am even more aghast by views people take of these relationship woes. For instance, if either partner decides to exit a relationship by entering a sexual encounter unknown to the other partner, this is not classifiable, in my opinion, by whether the action is deemed “good” or “bad” or punishable by the media, or sponsors to that person. Ultimately, an intimate union only involves two people, a dyad, and this dyad, in many cases, has cut a deal. Please remember that betraying another in a relationship is just the meter reader telling you that all is not right in that relationship. In many cases it was never a relationship to begin with. It was a deal.
Deal making is located in the second chakra (please refer to chakra articles in earlier posts). This is where we keep our word, honor one an other, and learn how to negotiate our power to money, sex and control. It is no surprise when hollywood style relationships go sour, because the attraction usually has one or all three second chakra components to it that are out of balance. The chakras’ aim is to maintain balance and flow, and the flow gets very jammed around insecurities that may include dominance and control themes. Here’s an example that might help. We have unconscious motivations that have unconscious payoffs, so we are not talking in our heads about making a deal, but it goes something like this. “In order for me to provide you with love I will need security and stability.” The other partner may say, “Okay, in order for me to provide you with security (e.g. money, good compliments) I need you to love me by never demanding anything of me that involves where I am or what I am doing.” Maybe that’s a bit simplistic, but you can see that one person is acquiescing to the other.
The relationship is out of balance when one partner compromises an innately held value (trust, individual responsibility) for the sake of the relationship. However, the couple is unconsciously choosing this tryst to play out a specific drama to learn from. This is the beauty of understanding how energy works and how it gets buried in the great trickster of the mind. In the couple scenario mentioned above what is the couple’s lesson and what are they really asking for? One thought: “Can you be real with me?” If I vomit my transgressions for the world to see, will you rescue me? Do you care enough to crawl into the abyss with me?
Real genuine intimacy involves self disclosure. This means the risk in really being you while another is bearing witness to you. It’s an unbelievable gift, a walk in trust, faith that when you fall from a cliff that partner will catch you. In the second chakra the challenge is bearing this gift of soul to another. This is where passion and compassion do their greatest unfolding and flow upward to the heart, to the communication and spiritual centers.
The next time you witness another man gone wrong, look a little deeper and see the whole picture with greater compassion and understanding. No one did anything to another. He or she did it to themselves. One must have a code of honor within, a foundation where truth lives. It’s possible that many couples skip this step and scatter values that have been compromised until they are so watered down that they really don’t know what they stand for or believe in. Sooner or later the relationship will become challenged by something so profound that a serum of truth must be injected, such as extra-marital encounters. The couple at this point will start evaluating and decide do they want to live in a “make a deal” couple hood, or do they believe that their union is greater than their individual selves, and can they risk revealing their true natures to each other?
It’s work between two and perhaps a valued teacher, counselor or spiritual advisor. It does not belong in the media where a superficial coating is given to our greatest gift to each other. The gift of love.
Blessings on your journey